by Kevin Michael Boyle
Our long watch is finally over, as Game of Thrones returns to define our Sunday nights once more. Season seven promises to be the show’s most epic year yet, as Dany finally returns to Westeros, Cersei sits on the Iron Throne, Arya could be literally anywhere, and Jon Snow is the new King of the North.
With only seven episodes being broadcast this year, what better reason to add another dimension of inebriation (which is Valerian for drunk and merry) to your viewing experience? With that in mind, here are some guidelines for the ultimate Game of Thrones season seven drinking game.
Despite the devastation, murder, and backstabbing of the previous six years, it’s still best to build the rules of the game around the main Houses of the Seven Kingdoms, and those miscellaneous characters that have sworn allegiance to them.
It’s the players choice whether to pick a House to follow, or a particular character, as how drunk you get will vary with each decision.
Lastly- drink responsibly, like Tyrion doesn’t.
Drink of choice: Dark spirits. No explanation required.
Since the end of season one, the Starks have been separated and cast to the furthest reaches of Westeros and beyond. Whether it’s Jon at the Wall, Bran beyond the Wall, Ayra in Bravos, Sansa in Kings Landing, and the rest in the afterlife, season seven should see them come together once more.
Here are the rules for House Stark:
- Drink when any of them say “Winter is here”, or words to that affect.
- Drink when Starks are reunited with each other.
- Drink anytime someone mentions a Direwolf.
Now, since they’re the biggest house, let’s talk individual characters:
- Drink when someone refers to him as King of the North.
- Drink anytime he mentions the White Walkers.
- Drink when he shares a scene with Ghost.
- Drink anytime he has an emotionally charged conversation with Sansa.
- See Rule Four for Jon above
- Drink anytime she shares a contemptuous scene with Littlefinger
- Drink when she shows her more brutal side i.e. loosing Ramsay’s hounds on him.
- Drink when he Whargs.
- Drink when he reaches Castle Black.
- Drink when he travels back in time.
- Drink when she kills anyone.
- Drink when she reveals herself after being disguised as a minor character.
- Finish your drink when she meets the Hound, because she definitely will.
Drink of choice: Wine, of course.
Since the Lannister’s are down to two official members (Tyrion is in Dany’s camp) here are the rules for Queen Cersei, and Jamie.
- When Cersei makes any threat to, or kills anyone (take a shot).
- Any time someone makes a comment about Jamie’s gold hand.
- Any utterance of “A Lannister always pays their debts.”
- When the Mountain murders someone.
- When Cersei talks about the witch’s prophesy.
- When Jamie challenges Cersei’s mad ideas.
Drink of choice: Anything red, for the blood of your enemies:
vodka-cranberry, red wine, Bloody Mary…
- Whenever there is a dragon onscreen.
- Whenever Dany must form an alliance with a new House.
- Anytime Greyworm and Msandi share a look (you know the kind I’m talking about).
- Anytime Tyrion wishes he was drunk.
- Anytime Varys has a useful piece of intelligence (take a shot every time, if you dare)
- Anytime a man foolishly underestimates the Mother of Dragons – finish your drink when he gets his comeuppance.
Drink of choice: Light beer – high aspirations, but not so popular.
- Anytime Jon jr is onscreen.
- Anytime Littlefinger’s accent mysteriously switches up.
- Anytime Littlefinger tries to seduce Sansa with promises of power (or just plain tries to seduce her).
- Anytime someone punches or wants to punch Littlefinger (viewers included).
- Anytime Littlefinger starts a sentence with “I suppose…”.
Drink of choice: Rosy wine. Yes, because roses have thorns.
Drink any time the Queen of Thorns is onscreen, as she’s the only damn Tyrell left thanks to Cersei. The best pick for teetotal companions.
Drink of choice: Grey Goose. Too easy.
The Greyjoys will be very important this season as Uncle Euron will have a bigger presence, so let’s go a little deeper here:
- Anytime Yara has to punch or belittle a man for underestimating her (and you see why she and Dany get along)
- Anytime Euron says something mad, disgusting, or downright disturbing.
- If Euron has the a very special horn (no, not that kind) that may give him an advantage against dragons, finish your drink.
Finish Your Drink:
- When Dany steps foot on Westeros
- When Valerian steel kills a White Walker
- When the White Walkers hit Castle Black
- When any major character dies
- At the beginning of every huge battle
- When Jorah is cured of Greyscale
- When Arya and Jon are reunited
- If Arya’s Direwolf comes back
- When Gendry finally appears
- Anytime Lady Mormont steals a scene
As the Game of thrones isn’t a show for the faint of heart, neither is its drinking game, so please drink responsibly. Lastly, and perhaps most importantly, run away from the screen if Lady Stoneheart ever shows up.